Why Using Screen Time as a Reward Can Backfire

"If you finish your homework, you can have your phone."
"Keep talking like that and your screen time is done for the day!"

You hear things like this all the time - during dinner, when homework is dragging on, or in the middle of a meltdown. In many homes, screens have become the bargaining chip of choice. A reward, a consequence, a last resort when nothing else works.

But here's the catch: using screen time as a parenting tool might work in the short term, but it can also undermine the very habits parents want to build.

Let's take a closer look at why that happens, and what you can try to do instead.

There's a reason screen time feels like such an effective parenting tool. It works - at least in the moment.

Smartphones and tablets are designed to reward the brain instantly. They offer fast rewards, constant novelty, and an endless stream of entertainment. Whether it's the thrill of a new level in a game or the scroll of short videos, screens satisfy needs faster than most offline activities.

Psychologically, that makes screen time a highly salient reward - something the brain finds especially appealing. And when something is this desirable, it becomes an obvious choice for leverage. "Clean your room and you can have your phone" feels like a fair deal.

This dynamic is also described by the Premack Principle: highly preferred activities (like watching YouTube or gaming) can be used to encourage less preferred ones (like tidying up or finishing homework).

But even if it works in the moment, it often creates problems over time. That's because screen time starts to carry too much weight. It becomes a kind of currency - a tool to influence behavior, used as both a reward and a threat.

And the more often it's used this way, the more significance it gains. Kids start to ask themselves: "What do I have to do to get screen time?" or "What might cause me to lose it?" It creates a system where access to digital media becomes the measure of right or wrong behavior.

And that's where things get tricky.

Taking away a phone can feel like a logical, straightforward consequence. Your kid breaks a rule? Then no screen time.

But if this becomes the default response, new issues can crop up.

For one, it can lead to secrecy or defensiveness around digital behavior. Kids might start hiding what they're doing online, not because they're being unsafe but because they're afraid of losing access.

It can also turn into a power struggle, where the conversation shifts from the actual issue to the phone itself. And the original issue - whether it was backtalk, missed chores, or breaking a rule - gets buried under the discussion about screen access.

And let's not forget: for many kids, a smartphone isn't just entertainment. It's also a way to decompress, escape stress, or stay socially connected. When you cut off that access entirely, it often leads to frustration, not reflection.

On the flip side, using screen time as a reward might seem harmless, even generous. "Finished your homework? Here's 30 minutes of screen time."

But there's a catch: kids quickly learn to value the reward, not the process.

Screen time becomes the trophy. Whether it's "If you behave at the store, you can use your tablet later," or "You get an hour of YouTube for tidying your room," the message is the same: screen time is the best possible reward.

Over time, this can weaken intrinsic motivation, the internal drive to do something because it's enjoyable or meaningful. If kids only push through tasks to earn a reward, they may struggle to act from their own initiative.

Psychologists call this the overjustification effect: when kids are rewarded for something they already enjoy, the activity starts to lose its value. It becomes a means to an end. Instead of playing, reading, or helping because it feels good, they begin to do it just to earn a reward. What used to happen naturally can suddenly feel like a chore, or not worth the effort at all.

This effect becomes especially clear when it comes to screen time. When it's regularly used as a reward, its value skyrockets - and other activities start to pale in comparison. But even if those other activities came with rewards too, they still wouldn't stand a chance. No book, no building block, no helping in the kitchen delivers the same dopamine hit as a screen.

Over time, this creates an imbalance. Kids start to avoid certain activities (or won't even begin them) unless a reward is on the table. They get used to the idea that there always has to be an extra incentive. And screen time becomes that extra: a quick hit of reward the brain soon begins to expect.

This isn't about saying "yes" to screens all the time. Kids need structure, and screen time rules are important. But when digital media is constantly used as a tool for control, something gets lost: the opportunity for kids to learn how to manage it for themselves.

Here are some approaches that work in everyday life - and support long-term habits:

Make screen time an ordinary part of the day.
Don't put it on a pedestal. Digital media is part of life, like eating, sleeping, or going to school. The more normal and routine it feels, the less emotional power it holds.

Make screen time predictable.
Clear expectations create security. When kids know when they're allowed screen time, they don't feel like they have to earn it. And they don't worry it will suddenly be taken away.

With Ohana's Schedules feature, you can set fixed daily screen windows - no need for constant negotiation. It creates structure without turning screens into rewards or punishments.

Reward with connection, not consumption.
If you want to encourage positive behaviour, try choosing something that strengthens your relationship, not more screen time.

That might be baking together, playing a game, or planning a family night. Something shared, with full attention and phones down.

Use clear consequences.
Instead of taking away the phone for every mistake, show your kid how their choices have real effects.

Instead of "No screens for a week," try "You had a hard time switching off yesterday. Want to come up with a better plan for today?" It creates space for learning, not just frustration.

Have conversations, not just rules.
Make room for regular conversations. Ask questions that show genuine interest: "What’s your favorite thing to do on your device?" or "How do you feel after watching YouTube?" or "What’s something you saw today that made you laugh or think?"

The goal isn't control, it's understanding. When kids feel heard and understood, they're far more likely to accept boundaries.

Parenting today means constantly rethinking how we approach digital media. What worked in the past might not work now. And that's okay.

When we stop using screen time as a reward or punishment, we give kids the chance to develop a healthier relationship with technology, and slowly take responsibility for their own behaviour.

This isn't about saying yes to everything. It's about building clear, fair boundaries based on trust - not on pressure or bribes.